Marvin is Up to No Good

My dearest husband, Marvin, is trying to kill me. He won't come out and say it, but he's been acting strange lately. He has always been rather shifty eyed, but recently he's been very secretive.

I know you may be thinking, "Mary this is holiday season. Maybe Marvin is buying you something special for Christmas."

To you I would answer, No. Marvin is not much into the holidays, and usually he finds a website dedicated to choosing gifts for him. The site where you answer certain questions about that special someone, and it finds gifts catered directly to your needs.

On my birthday, I got a singing fish. One of those wall mounted ones that belts Elvis tunes.

No, No he is not trying to buy me a gift. Let me list the exhibits for you:

A. I woke up in the middle of the night to make one of my many trips to the bathroom, and tripped over books strategically placed in my path. I do not recall them being there when I turned out the light. I hit my head on a metal tool box. It, too, wasn't there when I went to sleep. Death by decapitation?

B. After Marvin left for work this morning, I burned my arm on a super hot iron. He had left it plugged in and turned on and sat it next to my special morning coffee coaster. Maybe he was hoping I would spill my coffee and electrocute myself or maybe just BURN MYSELF TO DEATH?

C. He forgot to flush the toilet, and when I flushed it, it immediately overflowed. Drowning?

D. Yesterday, he opened the window that is strategically placed on my side of the bed. When I woke up in the morning my tongue was glued to the top of my mouth. I am not sure what he was trying there, but he is a schemer. He's trying to kill me.

I am really hoping this won't be the last time you hear from me.

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