Christmas Came Early

Marvin (my shifty-eyed husband) received a package in the mail yesterday. I didn't open it, although I really wanted to.

When he got home from work, he took the package into the bedroom and closed the door. A few minutes later he rushed into the kitchen and said, "Mary, I got something in the mail today. I ordered you and the kids, and well, myself something... I just can't wait until Christmas. Come on!" He grabs my hand, led me into the bedroom, and yelled for the kids.

Baby Boy and Sweet Pea came running into our room very excited, and honestly, I was excited too. We stood around the opposite side of the bed as Marvin reached into the box, and started pulling out these individually packed "blankets".

"Ooooh blankets," Sweet Pea chimes.

While B.Boy has ripped his package open, he lifted it up and looked puzzled. "You got me a dress?" he asked as he made a disgusted face. By this time, we had all ripped ours out of the package, and they were all the same. They did resemble some weird long sleeve burgundy dress made out of fleece.

"NO! These are Snuggies," he said. We all looked at him puzzled, "They are blankets that you wear like when you watch TV or go to a football game, and your arms don't get trapped inside like if you need to change the channel or answer the phone."

I continued to look at him weird. We live in the desert, the football games are over before it even gets chilly here, and we never go anyway. I was confused as to why we would need these blanket/dresses. The children didn't seem to mind and both had put on theirs, both swallowed whole by their enormous dresses.

"I look like a Jedi!" B.Boy yelled.

"I look like a beautiful princess." Sweet Pea smiled.

What did Marv and I look like... weird, but he insisted we wear them around the house. They weren't too bad actually. There was a bit of a chill that evenings, so we decided to have dinner on the back patio.

It was nice. Sweet Pea and B.Boy sat next to me and we were snuggly and warm while Marvin fiddled with the sprinklers. I kept noticing the neighbors glancing out their back blinds. I tried to ignore them. I pointed out their nosey asses to Marv, but he said they were probably envious that we were spending time on our patio while their backyard had not been landscaped.

A few minutes later I heard the doorbell ring, and I scooted the kids over and ran into the front room. I looked thru the peephole and saw the officer immediately. I opened the door.

Our neighbors had called the police. He told me that they thought we were performing some sort of satanic ritual, and that our smocks had scared them out their minds. I tried my best to explain the gifts my husband had bought, and he laughed. He said he saw them on TV, and asked if he could feel mine. He mentioned he had thought about getting one for his wife, but after this incident that he was going to rethink it.

After he left, I called the family in and closed and locked the back door. Before I closed the blinds I saw two pairs of eyes peering out the back window of my neighbor's house.

Great.

~NM

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