Feed My Neurosis: I <3 My Label Maker

Last week I finally broke down and bought a label maker. I have been eyeballing them for many years, but could never justify spending so much for something used to aid my failing memory.

I have had a good time with it the last few days. Mainly because I was bored in the new house, and I didn't want to go out and meet the neighbors yet (I do watch them from behind closed blinds). I have been labeling lots of things in my house. It's starting to freak Marvin out.

Last night at dinner he seemed really distressed as he glanced from "glass" to "fork" to "paper plate"

"Mary," Marvin whimpered, "I am worried about you."

I like it when he worries, and I knew where this was going. Before Marvin and I married, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I had a crazy Aunt Deidre. She was married, no kids, to my Uncle Kyle, they were both CPAs or something.

They argued a lot about arguing a lot.

She had this label maker that never left her side. It wasn't nice and sleek and digital like the one I just got. It was big and clumsy and you had to turn a dial and click the handle to press each letter/number into a thick tape.

Deidre was obsessed with her label maker. She would stay up all hours of the night labeling things and relabeling things, which brought about more arguing.

Kyle had to fly to Chicago for some sort of convention one weekend, and the whole time he was gone, she labeled all of their belongings "Yours" or "Mine". When Kyle got back and found my aunt sitting at the dining room table asleep, gripping her label maker tightly, he randomly switched the labels.

When Deidre woke up and found things in disarray, she flipped out. She threw herself about the house in a spastic fit and even foamed at the mouth. My uncle had to call the police, and they came and took her away.

The rest of my family has never forgiven Kyle for messing with her. She has been hospitalized ever since.

ANYway...

I just passed the butter and replied, "Marv, don't be silly. I'm not crazy Aunt Deidre."

This may have comforted him a little, but later I might have gotten a bit "edgy" when he tried to pry my label off the TV.

Tonight, I sleep with one eye open and my awesome new label maker tucked nicely between the matresses on my side of the bed. I don't think Marv has the nerve to mess with my labels.

~NM