Lazy People

Dear Looking Constipated,

I have never been one to worry about fiber in my diet. Until recently, I really didn't think that all this stuff about regularity, etc, was really worth losing sleep over or going out and buying expensive tablets.

Everyone poops! Don't act like you're offended.

In my old age, I am becoming more aware, and it is possible that I could probably poop more. I still am not going to lose sleep over it.

I have come to an eye opening conclusion though, and it might shock you. I don't really think there is such a thing as constipation. I think that lazy people just choose not to put out the effort to squeeze out a turd.

Now there comes a time when that urge to go actually leaves you, and you've gone past the point of no return. You've screwed up buddy. You should have went when that brown baby was calling your name. Since your lazy ASS didn't want to leave in the middle of Heroes, you've developed a bit of problem...

If you weren't prepared to birth that stinker, it just swells and grows and hardens... requiring more effort on your end. You're lazy, so screw that. Take a pill, tablet, chocolate, or orange drink and let it run down your leg like a river. Don't come complaining to me, you should have got off your lazy ass and went when you needed to in the first place.

Happily regular,
~NM

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