Welcome Home... Seven

Marvin and I have been talking about getting the kids a puppy for Christmas. He thought he would stop by and see what was up for adoption at the local pound on the way home from work today.

I didn't think he would bring anything home. I thought it was just a "look and see" trip. I was wrong.

Marv brought home a dog today; a small brown, fuzzy mutt with huge chocolate eyes. Marvin was so proud of himself when he showed me Seven, the three-legged dog he brought home for the kids for Christmas. He told me they named him Seven because that was the number of toes he had on his remaining feet???

"I thought you were getting a puppy?" I asked while I just shook my head, confused.

"He's little like a puppy..."

"How old is he?" I interrupted.

"Eight or nine... they think." He was running his hands all through Seven's fluffy curls with a childlike twinkle in his eyes.

"Eight or nine? Marv, what were you thinking? He's old and OBVIOUSLY impaired. We have kids who are going to be rough with him. Oh my gosh, Marv," I gasped, "What if they kill him?"

"God, Mary," he rushed in, "he's a tough little guy, the kids can't hurt him. He's a good dog, they even told me how great he is with kids"

I could see all the ways this could go horribly wrong in my head, but I tried to shake it off. "Alright, Marv..." He had the biggest, dorkiest smile (which was seriously making me sick to my stomach) plastered all over his face when he called the kids into the room.

They ran in at top speed. They didn't know Marvin was home, so they were excited to see him. They both came to a screaching halt when they saw the dog in their father's arms.

"Merry Christmas," Marv sat the little dog on the kitchen floor. Both of his front feet touched the tile simultaneously and then clinked the nails of his single hind leg.

The kids' eyes widened.

Sweet Pea began to scream, and Seven began to run in small circles. Baby Boy just stood there staring, while Marv tried to get Pea to settle down. I just stood there wishing I was somewhere else and crossing my fingers that the dog didn't pee all over my floor.

"That dog has three legs," B.Boy said flately still staring at the mini circus act/freak show that was playing out before our very eyes. Pea stopped screaming just long enough to catch her breath, and began again. Seven started to run throughout the living room/dining area in large figure eight patterns, obviously freaked by Pea's vocal chords (aren't we all).

I could just stand there with my mouth wide open/head shaking frantically. I think I was in shock. I had to get out of there. I excused myself, although I am sure it wasn't audible, and hid out in my bathroom... the sanctuary that is my bathtub.

I let them work out the ordeal.

Sometimes, I have to pat myself on the back for my quick thinking. When I finally decided I was brave enough to go back into the other room, I was shocked to find the three of them and our new three-legged dog, Seven, sitting on the couch eating cookies. Seven licking their smiling faces inbetween bites.

I was on my own for dinner.
They had cookies.... I had ice cream :-)
~NM

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I Believe in Chistmas Miracles, Do you?

I have recently experienced these little pieces of heaven called Nilla Cakesters. They are these magnificently yummy cookies filled with soft billowy clouds of sugar. They are supposed to be like over sized Nilla Wafers filled with the wondermous filling that makes up the best part of a Twinkie. They are so incredibly delicious.

If they taste good, they have to be good for you, right?

Well today, while I sipped on my favorite diet beverage (I don't want to drink my calories), I sit down and visited with my best friend (my computer). To my right was this sparkly package of Strawberry Creme Nilla Cakesters, and I knew it was going to be the best part of my day.

I took the delicately pink package into my eager hands and opened it, and what did I find?

THREE CAKESTERS!!! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!

Obviously to be filled with only 2 cakes, my package had been blessed with a wonderful defect. While they were oddly shaped and rather smooshed, it has still been a joyous day worth celebrating!

~NM

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Christmas Came Early

Marvin (my shifty-eyed husband) received a package in the mail yesterday. I didn't open it, although I really wanted to.

When he got home from work, he took the package into the bedroom and closed the door. A few minutes later he rushed into the kitchen and said, "Mary, I got something in the mail today. I ordered you and the kids, and well, myself something... I just can't wait until Christmas. Come on!" He grabs my hand, led me into the bedroom, and yelled for the kids.

Baby Boy and Sweet Pea came running into our room very excited, and honestly, I was excited too. We stood around the opposite side of the bed as Marvin reached into the box, and started pulling out these individually packed "blankets".

"Ooooh blankets," Sweet Pea chimes.

While B.Boy has ripped his package open, he lifted it up and looked puzzled. "You got me a dress?" he asked as he made a disgusted face. By this time, we had all ripped ours out of the package, and they were all the same. They did resemble some weird long sleeve burgundy dress made out of fleece.

"NO! These are Snuggies," he said. We all looked at him puzzled, "They are blankets that you wear like when you watch TV or go to a football game, and your arms don't get trapped inside like if you need to change the channel or answer the phone."

I continued to look at him weird. We live in the desert, the football games are over before it even gets chilly here, and we never go anyway. I was confused as to why we would need these blanket/dresses. The children didn't seem to mind and both had put on theirs, both swallowed whole by their enormous dresses.

"I look like a Jedi!" B.Boy yelled.

"I look like a beautiful princess." Sweet Pea smiled.

What did Marv and I look like... weird, but he insisted we wear them around the house. They weren't too bad actually. There was a bit of a chill that evenings, so we decided to have dinner on the back patio.

It was nice. Sweet Pea and B.Boy sat next to me and we were snuggly and warm while Marvin fiddled with the sprinklers. I kept noticing the neighbors glancing out their back blinds. I tried to ignore them. I pointed out their nosey asses to Marv, but he said they were probably envious that we were spending time on our patio while their backyard had not been landscaped.

A few minutes later I heard the doorbell ring, and I scooted the kids over and ran into the front room. I looked thru the peephole and saw the officer immediately. I opened the door.

Our neighbors had called the police. He told me that they thought we were performing some sort of satanic ritual, and that our smocks had scared them out their minds. I tried my best to explain the gifts my husband had bought, and he laughed. He said he saw them on TV, and asked if he could feel mine. He mentioned he had thought about getting one for his wife, but after this incident that he was going to rethink it.

After he left, I called the family in and closed and locked the back door. Before I closed the blinds I saw two pairs of eyes peering out the back window of my neighbor's house.

Great.

~NM

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